The Fallen and The Risen

Jesus Feeding the 5000

Pretty sure you know who this is.

If you read this blog at all, you know that I'm not a tremendous fan of religion itself, so generally today being Easter doesn't resonate for me beyond being a day when I see people dress up and go to church, or kids going on Egg Hunts, etc.


A modicum of research tells us that Easter is a Christianization of Oestre, a pagan holiday celebrating the rebirth that is spring. It makes sense that the power structure of the church morphed the holiday into a celebration of the resurrection of Jesus from his crucifixion in the same way that the pagan holiday of the Winter Solstice eventually became the celebration of Jesus' birth.


Like I said, I'm not a religious man. I don't like church, or "the church". I am highly suspicious of anyone that tells me what, why and how I should worship a God I only suspect is there. I do believe in spirit, I do believe that there is something intangible to life that works around and through us, but I don't ascribe any one school of teaching. Religion is division to me, and there's too much of that in the world.


Not that I'm a great example. I'm a very angry man. Very frustrated. Of late I find myself filled with rage with the state of many of my fellow Americans.


I hate them.


I hate them with a fire that fills me with regret. I'm trying to find a way to love them. To love them and hate the ignorance that drives them. I'm trying to have compassion for Tea Partiers because I know what they fear, as deliberately uninformed as they are. I remind myself that while they hate things that aren't real, have shown real signs of racism, that they love their children and feel in their hearts that they are operating out of that love, no matter how misguided I may think know they are. I want to understand and have compassion enough for them that I learn to speak to them with that compassion instead of the disdain I feel now.


It's hard.


So on this day in which a great deal of the world celebrates rebirth in one form or another, I am also reminded that it is the anniversary of the assassination of Martin Luther King Jr. And so...I will finish this entry with quotes from Dr. King and those attributed to the teacher known as Jesus.


I do this for myself as well as those that have chosen to speak with bricks, bullets and hate. Because I'm this close to taking up a gun myself and that is not the man I want to be.


Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. Hate multiplies hate, violence multiplies violence, and toughness multiplies toughness in a descending spiral of destruction....The chain reaction of evil--hate begetting hate, wars producing more wars--must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation. Martin Luther King, Jr., Strength To Love, 1963.


 Then Jesus said to him, "Put your sword back into its place;  for those who live by the sword, die by the sword."  Matthew 26:52.


Like an unchecked cancer, hate corrodes the personality and eats away its vital unity. Hate destroys a man's sense of values and his objectivity. It causes him to describe the beautiful as ugly and the ugly as beautiful, and to confuse the true with the false and the false with the true. Martin Luther King, Jr., Strength To Love, 1963.


But I say to you that hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you.   If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you?   For even sinners love those who love them.   And if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you?  For even sinners do the same. Luke 6:27-32


I know that at some point soon, probably tomorrow, I will make a comment to someone about Andrew Breitbart, or Sarah Palin or Ronald Reagan or any number of "conservative heroes" that I find to be distasteful examples of humanity. I know I'm not perfect or all loving, but today, let me let this go. Let me feel just compassion and love for my fellow human beings. Let me remember that we are all afraid. We are all fragile and we are all capable of doing and being better.


Whether looked at from a biblical standpoint or simply an historical one, we are all fallen.


We are all capable of rising from the death that is hatred and vitriol to the life that is love and understanding. 


I'm working on it.


I'm working on it.


Happy Easter.

Mia's Workshop at Shag

A few years ago I experienced a kind of revelation about myself, or at the very least, a moment of self discovery that had been buried beneath the surface my entire life but for whatever reason.

I came to realize that my feelings and thoughts about love and sexuality and relationships were a lot more broad than I knew. That I'd always been this way but hadn't given myself permission to open up.

Caveat, for some of you may find this might be TMI. I'm going to do my best to reveal enough to be clear and not enough to scare anyone off.

I like some kink in my sex...it's not a deal breaker necessarily, but I strongly prefer it...and there are certain things involving rope and a willing subject that really work for me.

I also more and more believe in open relationships. This, you likely already know about me from previous blog entries but there it is nonetheless.

I believe that the greatest threat to love/marriage/relationships is rigid rules that have more to do with societal expectations and standards than they do with the human drives for love, companionship and sex. I've even half heartedly defended jerks like Mark Sanford on this blog...(However, John Edwards is indefensible. He's an ass of the first order and I am embarrassed beyond belief that I wanted him to win the Democratic Primaries over Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton. But that's another story.) I believe that if we had more realistic understandings of the human heart, human desire  we would be able to love eachother more honestly, with more compassion and more understanding and more maturity.

A few years ago I started attending a monthly meeting of polyamorists in New York, but not long into that I started working nights and so my involvement in the community faded.

One of the blessings of my recent unemployment is that my time has freed up and I've been able to attend some events that have enabled me to reacquaint myself with the "alternative" communities that interest me. I've also been lucky enough to win a LOT of freebies lately which I take a sign that I'm on the right track on a personal level.

One of the things I won was a free ticket to attend Mia Martina's workshop on open relationships at Shag, a new sex positive shop in the trendy section of Brooklyn known as Williamsburg. (Some of you might remember my walk over the Williamsburg Bridge last year into a part of this area and Greenpoint.)

I've been listening to Mia's podcast almost since the very beginning. I think at her third entry. It's been about 2 years or so I think. To me, it's an incredibly brave podcast. I think anyone that writes about their sexual exploits and adventures and mixes it with the bittersweet experiences of love and relationships are among the bravest people that can be. When I got onto Twitter I started following her there too.

A few weeks ago I actually got the opportunity to meet Mia at In The Flesh  and was thrilled to discover that she is as sexy as her voice suggests as well as very sweet. She bought me a drink and we had a great talk. I've seen her twice since at other events and even got to meet her boyfriend once, who also strikes me as a rather excellent human being.  So when I lucked out and managed to win a free pass to her workshop last night I was thrilled.

Shag is a terrific little shop. It's not like other sex shops you think of...if you don't look carefully as you pass by you would think it was just a nice little shop of hand crafted art and chachkes. A closer look or a glance at the wall where large graphic pictures of anime sex fantasies will clue you in rather suddenly though. I met Sam, one of the owners, a very nice and sexy woman herself and she led me downstairs where the workshop had already started (thank you VERY much G train for sucking even more than I had planned on).

Mia gave us handouts with brilliant recommendations on reading, podcasts and thoughts. She spoke about the nature of the communication one needs in open relationships and she defined the different types (with help from Tristan Taormino's book). She also handed out a sheet of questions regarding our own feelings and beliefs about relationships, emotions surrounding those beliefs. It was fun to see Mia read off some of the answers and discuss them.

There were a few other folks I know from Twitter there. And one I didn't realize until this morning. This made it even more fun.

I won't go into too much detail on the workshop itself...you should go to Mia for that and if you're in NYC you should attend her workshops which I am sure will be happening more frequently. Suffice it to say that it was great to meet others who are interested and to share experiences and notes and knowledge.

Mia's in open relationships of one kind or another for some time and she had great tips gleaned from her successes and misses and very funny stories about her own sexual/relationship journey.

If you're in New York, go to Shag...it really is marvelous and unique...and if you have an opportunity to hear Mia read her material DO SO. Subscribe to her podcast or listen to it from her website...But start from the beginning because there's an arc to it.

Below are books that are part of Mia's recommended reading. I concur. If you are at all curious about open relationships, whether casually or more personally, these are great books to read.

This makes me feel better.

I've blogged a few times in the past about my beliefs and feelings regarding love, marriage and thus such things.

I think one of the things that I've found the most hurtful, depressing and discouraging of late is the continual defeat of Gay Marriage in this country.

Now I've said before that in terms of that, I think no one should have a governmental right to marry. As far as the state is concerned adults should be granted (without contest) civil unions. And civil unions can include any number of consenting adults. It means you have made a commitment to a person, or personS and they to you and eachother and that the state recognizes it for legal and tax purposes and that's that. PERIOD. Beyond that it's no one's mother fracking business.

Marriage, is ceremonial...and while I also believe that any and all consenting adults should be free to marry whom they choose, it belongs more within the purview of  spritual institutions.

But we have been overhauled by branches of "Conservatives", Catholics, Mormons, Scientologists and other self righteous, moralistic fucktards that when law is enacted or a legal statement is made that recognizes that "gay marriage" is indeed constitutional...we actually go out and have a vote...and in THIS country, in  The United States of America, in the twenteyfuckingfirst century, we actually allow people to vote away a "right" from other people.

Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness. My pastey white ass.

But then...a glimmer of hope. Which I will let Rachel Maddow explain in more detail. But finally, a prominent and truly bipartisan, NONpartisan approach to this repressive trend. What is in this video is not only hope to be free to "love as thou wilt" but even a glimmer of hope about the possible future of politics in this country. When wise men (and women) of good will, truly good will, stand together for something that is right, and good, and toss away whatever wing of politics they fly under because it doesn't matter. Watch this. I hope that it will make you, as it did me, proud to be an American.

Bear with the advertisement in the beginning. You can click on the X in the circle fairly quickly and watch the real thing.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

I'd say Sanford and Sin, but its been taken a gazillion times over already

(Saturday morning revision: Now that Sanford has likened himself to King David, I have lost all sympathy I might have had for him. I still think the following is worth pondering, but he can go fuck himself now as far as I'm concerned.)


About 3 years ago I was introduced to a series of books by Jacqueline Carey that have come to be known as Kushiel’s Legacy. It’s stories that are right up my alley that integrate alternate history, fantasy and open sexuality. The book pictured above is the latest in the series and I'm guessing the beginning of a third trilogy.

Without going into a lot of detail, the basic tenet of the religion that is followed by the main characters in the first two trilogies is “Love As Thou Wilt” It is a commandment to follow your heart, because wisdom and truth are found in even the most harsh explorations of one’s own expression of love and sexuality.

These words struck me hard when I first read them, touching a place deep within where I long to live. It’s a philosophy that in many ways I have always admired and aspired to, though I don’t know that I’ve ever really followed it very well, at least not until the last few years and even then not as strongly as I like. Still…I try.

It is how, more and more, I view the world each day.

I’ve watched with a mix of sorrow and glee as one by one more of our political leaders confess to infidelities of one type or another. I mostly feel glee when I watch it coming from sanctimonious Republicans like Vitter, Ensign and especially Craig It amuses me to watch them confess their sins and yet refuse to take the consequences they insisted Bill Clinton suffer over a decade ago. They never seem to learn. They never show an ounce of humility or real shame. They never take the responsibility they insist the rest of the world take. Instead they shamelessly continue on their path of judgment and hypocrisy as if they’ve actually atoned for their “sin”. Elliot Spitzer had the good sense and grace to resign at least. Maybe if John Edwards shuts up long enough he might redeem his behavior too.

And there was Governor Mark Sanford on Wednesday.

I watched with tremendous discomfort as the man, realizing the jig was up, attempted to air his demons and face his laundry in a long, rambling, confused press conference. He struck me as sincere, lost, and vulnerable. Yes, still hypocritical. He’s not resigning as he insisted others do, but here’s the difference I see.

Unlike Vitter, who went to prostitutes, or Ensign who was just plain cheating or Craig who was seeking a thrill in a bathroom with a man after a career of condemning homosexuals, Mark Sanford seems to be genuinely and quite deeply in love.

This doesn’t excuse the fact that he appears to have used taxpayer money to see his lover, or that he abandoned his post for 5 days, or that he spent Father’s Day away from his four young sons to be with his girlfriend (as a dad I find this particularly infuriating), but it does give me some sense of sympathy for the guy, a sense of his pain.

So many of us get so caught up in dogma of one kind or another, be it religious or political, that we start making sure we behave in ways we feel we should, rather than accepting what we are. Watching Sanford, I saw a man who was genuinely struggling with that very thing. He felt genuine guilt for his irresponsibility, but we know from his emails how deeply he feels for this woman in Argentina.

No one who has ever loved so deeply should judge that or hold hit against him. No one who has ever felt the pain of a love that is limited by circumstance should hold such a thing against him.

Love as thou wilt.

There is a very good book that was made into an HBO movie, Empire Falls. Toward the end, there is a scene between father and daughter. The daughter is lamenting that she didn’t love a boy who ended up going on a shooting rampage in her school, because perhaps it might have prevented the tragedy. Her father, played by Ed Harris responds “You can train your mind and you can learn from experience and that's what growing up is. And you can take responsibility for your actions. But you can't make your heart behave. Take it from one who knows. You will love who you love. Don't ever apologize for that. Don't ever feel you have to.”

He may feel regret for hurting his family, or letting down his friends, those are things to apologize for, but maybe we hold unreasonable expectations for how we love.

Maybe in addition to calling the man to task for shirking his responsibilities we can stop covering the nonsense of his affair and stick to the real issues. I don’t care what any politician does with their private life. It's not our business, unless they are committing crimes.

Obviously, if you know me at all, I’m not a fan of his politics, but that’s not my point today.

I hope that one day we all find ways to be truer to our hearts and to avoid the rigid dogmas that keep us from loving as we do. I hope that this experience will inspire Sanford to rethink his own views on the world and also figure out what he needs to do for his own sake as well as for his family’s and his lover’s.

He ought to resign, not just because of his own remarks and that he’s demonstrated gross irresponsibility, but also because he needs to figure his heart out.. I hope he’s honest with himself; otherwise he will never be honest with South Carolina.

Good news for a change

Amidst so much loss lately I am glad to say that my niece Abigail was born at 2:50 yesterday afternoon. I didn't get the news until about 5pm.

7lbs, 2oz and healthy. I hope to have pictures in the coming days.

I have no more news than that as my stepsister hasn't called back yet...something about needing rest after labor. Whatever. ;-)

Seriously, I hope that this helps those of you that have endured so much heartbreak lately. My thoughts are with families who have not been so fortunate in the past few weeks. May they find peace and healing.