Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Snowbigfuckindeal

In April of 1969 I was newly 7 years old. I was going to P.S. 116 on Menahan Street and Knickerbocker Avenue. We had a ginormous blizzard. So big that we could build snow tunnels from our stoops to the cars on the curb...It was amazing.

This storm is famous for how it crippled the city and how Mayor John Lindsay handled it so badly it nearly cost him re election. Parts of the outer boroughs of Queens and New York were inaccessible for over a week.

Back in the 90s we had a huge blizzards that lasted the entire winter because of El Nino. Seriously, both years. I believe 1995 and 1996 the last of the snow that melted in April had actually fallen the previous November. People didn't even bother trying to shovel out their cars after a couple of weeks because it was just going to get buried again.

You know what we still had then? During all those storms? All those years ago? With weaker technology and fewer resources?

SCHOOL! WORK!...nothing got closed. If you could show up, you did. You know why?

We have these modes of transportation in New York...had them for about a hundred years or so

They are called SUBWAYS. THEY RUN UNDERGROUND. They suck a lot...but THEY RUN. It's how we get from point A to point B in this town.
But something happened in the last couple of years and I don't know what the fuck it is. But we've started closing school pre emptively. We've started cowering in our apartments.


Hell, I was to go to an event this evening but the snow was so heavy they decided to cancel it. Except the snow wasn't that bad and about 5 minutes after the cancellation the SNOW STOPPED.



Dear New York City,

What the fuck happened to your balls? Get up off your ass, put on some motherfucking Totes boots and WALK through the goddam snow!!!!

Stop whining. Fer chrissakes, they are laughing at us in Buffalo. BUFFALO IS LAUGHING AT US. BUFFAFUCKINGLO!!!!!! Are we seriously going to let them deserve to deride us?!!!!!!

Mayor Bloomberg, I thought you grew up here...are you seriously making us act like whiney little children around a bit of frozen rain. Is this the city you want us to become?

It's bad enough Giuliani began to turn us into a giant shopping mall. Do you have to turn us into castrati to boot? I love the pedestrian areas and cutting traffic from parts of Midtown...but if the price we have to pay for this is we become an emasculated little weak bunch of whimpering sheep, I say bring back the trucks.

I hate winter, I don't like the cold, but you know what? I go out in it. You know why? I HAVE SHIT TO DO AND  A LIFE TO LIVE!

This isn't snow so deep you can't open your front door like they get in Iowa. This is not even a foot and a foot isn't even that hard.

IT'S.JUST.SNOW.

Get the fuck over it! Grow some nads!

BE NEW YORK....not....I don't know....fucking NEWARK.

(sigh)

5 comments:

Mia said...

Well said. Nice rant.

TJ said...

Actually, I think this lame attitude is prevalent everywhere, not just NYC, but nice post.

Opinionated Gifts said...

Thank you Mia. Thought you might agree.

Yeah, TJ, you might be right. But it's distinctly un New York to cower. COMPLAIN yes...hell we are world class bitchers....but cowerers? Never. I miss my city.

Mistress L said...

LOL, this post cracked me up! As a briefly lived in NYC and my first day there I saw an old lady flick off a bus driver I looked at my friend and said: "Fuck, NYC is hardcore!"

Help keep NYC hardcore =)

Dangerous Lilly said...

This rant is awesome and I so agree and I don't even live there! Now, where I'm from....yeah. we have no subway, we have to drive and worse yet we have to rely on PennDOT to get out there and plow the roads which.....they don't. They seem to have unsubscribed from the weather channel, or somethin.

More people should know about YakTrax, also. Saved my ass (literally, my ass & back) these last few storms.