Thursday, April 30, 2009

Good news for a change

Amidst so much loss lately I am glad to say that my niece Abigail was born at 2:50 yesterday afternoon. I didn't get the news until about 5pm.

7lbs, 2oz and healthy. I hope to have pictures in the coming days.

I have no more news than that as my stepsister hasn't called back yet...something about needing rest after labor. Whatever. ;-)

Seriously, I hope that this helps those of you that have endured so much heartbreak lately. My thoughts are with families who have not been so fortunate in the past few weeks. May they find peace and healing.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Don't get too excited

about Arlen Specter. He's still essentially a conservative who believes the Iraq War was/is a good thing. All it means is that he's running and will likely win as he is well liked in Pennsylvania and now doesn't have to squeeze through the right wing filter of his former party's primary.

In other news, at some point today I'm supposed to become an uncle. My stepsister had to go in for induced labor last night and we haven't heard anything since then. I'm starting to worry.

As I've said however you speak to the unseen, prayers or visions of light, please send them over.

Thank you.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009


Be sure to go to Fox on Demand and watch an ep of Dollhouse. Or at least run it in the background.

Monday, April 27, 2009


Don't have much to say today. It's Monday.

Kellogg's Star Trek cereal is pretty fun though. Especially if you like Alpha Bits.

Otherwise I'm afraid I'm pretty uninspired today and in a grumpy mood. It's an out of whack day.

Looking forward to Tuesday. Should be better.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Sunday Almost To The Park With John

As is usually the case with New York, we went from early spring straight into summer with near 90 degree weather today.

I was going to spend the day doing laundry but it was too good a day and after yesterday I needed to just do a kind of nothing, so to speak.

Here are pics of the walk a took. A shortened walk because I left with so much enthusiasm for the day that I left my wallet, and thus my ability to snack and water in the part, in my room.

Two more of the several Victorian mansions in my neighborhood. It really makes me happy knowing that they are still intact and in communities that want them. Not as elaborate as the one from my previous blog,but very beautiful.

A very interesting entrance. In need of TLC, these kinds of places make me wish I was rich.

These are the greatest sandals in the world. Kamiks. Incredibly comfortable and the next best thing to being barefoot. Got them out of storage yesterday and my feet are born again. That's my cane in there too.

The Brooklyn Museum, where I realized Mr. Wallet was sitting on my desk at home and it was time to turn back now or my hip and knee would make me suffer the consequences. That's my stupid finger just above the shooting fountain. It was glary and I haven't quite mastered the lense on my iPhone yet.

I then went down Eastern Parkway, back to my street.

You rarely see these old black glass and neon signs anymore in New York. They go back to the 30s. I was thrilled to see this on an otherwise unremarkable street. So nice to see a pharmacy in the city that isn't Duane Reade, CVS or Rite Aid.

I love Bay Windows and this row of apartment buildings charmed me. I also loved the small, very homey entrances. It felt almost storybookish to me.

After that I was getting tired from the heat and no water and indeed, my hip and knee were expressing their displeasure with me. So I went back home, rested a bit and got to some laundry eventually.

All in all, a good Sunday and a pleasant end to an all too short weekend.

By the way, this last episode of DOLLHOUSE, entitled "Haunted" was the best yet. Ok, that wasn't so by the way. But hey, its me.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Another moving day, another reason to be grateful

Just a quick personal one today.

A friend of mine from work helped me get the last of my stuff from my old apartment into storage.

Those things had been sitting in my downstairs neighbor's apartment since Late February. Every attempt I made to get it out of there was met with anything ranging from cancellation by movers to a car breaking down. But this morning, my buddy messaged me on Facebook and said he could do it today but needed to be done by 4:30. Jump out of bed, take a shower be out front, call my neighbor and tell her rescue is at hand.

I am surrounded by so much kindness and patience and good will lately that I don't know where or how to put my appreciation.

I'm in a weird place, feeling like though I'm getting closer to 50 I am living the life of a 24 year old. My friend today, who is as far from 40 as I am from 50 is feeling much the same. But we both have daughters we adore (at very different ages) and many things that are going well.

And a kind single mother who gave up half her living room because my move was so hasty it left too much leftover.

I'm grateful to be surrounded by good people. I hope one day to prove worthy.

Friday, April 24, 2009


I like, where I can, to funnel money toward my friends or associates or even myself when possible. I'm certainly taking advantage of the Monetize feature of this blog, but this is about getting money to other folks.

For instance I have a buddy at work who has a house in Vermont. They have chickens and they lay lots of eggs. They are organically fed and free range and deeelicious. So every Friday he brings several dozen to work and I buy a dozen. I do it because like I said, they are deeelicious AND, my buddy gets the money. Its a bit more expensive, but worth it.

Likewise others. CafePress lets you make your own stuff...with your own logo or saying and you get a few dollars everytime someone buys one of your items. Hey, we can all use a coffeemug or travel mug, or tee shirt.

One of the bloggers I stumbled upon a few months ago when I started doing this myself (she's been really good with the 365 thing, whereas I've totally blown it)has gotten her CafePress stuff together. Witty and snarky, I enjoy her worldview and life observations. Her family could use whatever extra cash comes in, so take a look. I think she's onto something and may start doing this too eventually. I got the mug pictured here. . Her items are all practical and I think her tagline is on the money. You'll like her blog and her things, I think.

And now for the Dollhouse part. I listen to a pretty good podcast on the show run by these two college kids. A little fluffy for my taste, but I support anyone that's a Joss Whedon fan and their site is quite good. A fun place to go and discuss the show. They partnered with Amazon and now get a small bit of the profits off of any Dollhouse or Whedon merchandise you buy here.

And a clip from tonight's episode.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Happy Birthday Bill

I'm posting three of my favorite sonnets. One will be very familiar to all of you. It's almost a cliche, but some cliches are cliches for a reason.


When to the sessions of sweet silent thought
I summon up remembrance of things past,
I sigh the lack of many a thing I sought,
And with old woes new wail my dear time's waste:
Then can I drown an eye, unused to flow,
For precious friends hid in death's dateless night,
And weep afresh love's long since cancell'd woe,
And moan the expense of many a vanish'd sight:
Then can I grieve at grievances foregone,
And heavily from woe to woe tell o'er
The sad account of fore-bemoaned moan,
Which I new pay as if not paid before.
But if the while I think on thee, dear friend,
All losses are restor'd and sorrows end.


Being your slave what should I do but tend
Upon the hours, and times of your desire?
I have no precious time at all to spend;
Nor services to do, till you require.
Nor dare I chide the world without end hour,
Whilst I, my sovereign, watch the clock for you,
Nor think the bitterness of absence sour,
When you have bid your servant once adieu;
Nor dare I question with my jealous thought
Where you may be, or your affairs suppose,
But, like a sad slave, stay and think of nought
Save, where you are, how happy you make those.
So true a fool is love, that in your will,
Though you do anything, he thinks no ill.


Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O, no! it is an ever-fixed mark,
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come;
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

I lied, here's a fourth. The first one I ever learned and so holds a place in my heart and is still a big favorite.


My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red, than her lips red:
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damasked, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound:
I grant I never saw a goddess go,
My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground:
And yet by heaven, I think my love as rare,
As any she belied with false compare.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

I had planned on writing more about Dollhouse and related subjects today, but the twitter world and the world of people I am fond of has been disrupted quite a bit lately with the loss of many loved ones.

I just can't bring myself to blog about a TV show today, no matter how much I love it and want it to survive the season. So...tomorrow.

Today I'm thinking of a boy named Lucas and his family. I'm thinking of a young father who recently passed. I'm thinking of little Maddie whom I've mentioned briefly before. And Thalon, a 4 month old lost to SIDS.

And I'm thinking of a boy named Stellan, who is still with us and struggling hard to remain so.

The Sikh's have a prayer for the dead. Khal Akhal which means dieing and undieing. It is a prayer for the soul to rest as it leaves the body and reminds us that we are more spirit than flesh. For some reason this prayer speaks to me more than the more traditional western prayers.

And I'm sending light and healing prayers to Stellan for his little fighting heart. He had surgery yesterday and seems to be doing well, but he has a long way to go.

I like to chant Ra Ma Da Sa, Sa Say So Hung, which calls from the heart to the elements to heal from great distance or to someone at your side of even yourself.

I'd post it here from YouTube but the videos are all very long. If you are curious, this is a version I like very much.

As I said for Maddie awhile ago, whatever method you use to reach what I think of as the unseen, and for you, dear reader, might be God, Allah, Jesus etc. Please keep all these souls in your thoughts and prayers and meditations.

Thank you.

A sort of P.S. at 2:35 Thursday morning.

A woman I knew in High School whom I hadn't seen in years but always liked very much passed away suddenly on Tuesday night. This was a rough day. My heart is broken for her family and close friends. This comes on the heels of another old friend from H.S. dieing in the last month and the shocking suicide of an old boss, also only weeks ago.

Sometimes it just seems like things are going a little crazy.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Echoes of a River being Buffed by Angelic Evil Leagues

WARNING: There are spoilers here if you have not seen all of Joss Whedon's TV ouvre.

I had a few free moments and decided to finally take advantage of my roommate's wide screen TV and popped in Serenity for a few minutes. The movie begins with a flashback dream and then moves into a scene where River, the 17 year old psychic is being manipulated with some sort of device injected through her forehead into her brain.

Immediately I thought of Dollhouse and the Mind Wiping device which of course led me to think about Joss Whedon's recurring themes of female empowerment, family, sexuality and language.

But for Angel, all of Joss Whedon's shows feature young women who mostly through involuntary means are given extraordinary abilities of one kind or another. I take that back, even in Angel, Cordelia is granted certain abilities and made half demon in order to accommodate those abilities.

Buffy, the chosen one. Selected from an array of 16 year old girls from around the world to fight vampires and demons alone. Towards the end of the series we learn that Slayers were created by ancient medicine men in Africa embueing the chosen young female with demon strength. The rape allegory is not lost here. Buffy eventually finds a way to harness that very energy and transform its ability to empower potential slayers all over the world.

Cordelia, see above.

River (Firefly), essentially lured by The Alliance into a phone school and experimented on to enhance her abilities, those abilities later lead to a potential downfall of the Alliance. The series was not allowed to run its full course, but by suggestion in the movie "Serenity" I get the idea that that was the direction of the story.

Echo (Dollhouse), coerced to become an "Active" with abilities that can be altered for any mission. Like River, her abilities may be developing in a way that will ironically take down the Dollhouse organization.

In all of Whedon's series we get to know a disparate group of individuals who become close and dependent upon eachother through extraordinary circumstances, which leads to Joss' recurring theme of there's the family you are born with and the family you find yourself in. Joss always seems to express a preference for the latter. Paging Dr. Freud.

This is not a criticism, just an observation. God knows I love Whedon's storytelling and all prolific TV writers end up revisiting ideas and concepts all the time. I've mentioned I am a fan of Fringe and I know at some point we will learn of Olivia's complicated relationship with her father, a theme that runs through all of JJ Abrams' series. (Whedon has this two for Buffy and Angel but far less prominently)

I was raised by a feminist through the 60s and 70s. My mother was part of Consciousness Raising Groups, all sorts of therapy, etc and down to being a regional VP for the National Organization for Women.

I think that's why I've always found Joss Whedon's shows so resonant for me. Also I tend to relate to the characters of Xander and Wash deeply. (Hell I even took the Facebook test of which Firefly character are you and I came up Wash. I should have known). Female empowerment has always seemed important to me. I think as I've gotten older I've come to understand too that the empowered women are, the more empowered men are. I can get into what that all means to me another time.

I write all this to say why it is that I love Dollhouse. That is comes back to the themes I always love in Whedon's work. Also, as I've said, Eliza Dushku is the guiltiest pleasuriest guilty pleasure I have. Why else would I have posted that hot picture of her the other day.

Tomorrow, when I have time, I'm going to post more links about Dollhouse and a podcast I listen to weekly where they have a Dollhouse store through Amazon that will enable us to continue to do what we can to make sure FOX understands that there's money in it for them to keep the show going.

I leave you Joss' immortal words. "Always be yourself...unless you suck"

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Ways To Save Dollhouse

Above photo from Allure Magazine

Ok, first a couple of things to know:

Eliza Dushku will be on Bonnie Hunt this Tuesday talking up the show. WATCH IT. Can't watch it? DVR it. Don't have a DVR? ask a friend to DVR it for you. There's even a little something extra if, like me, you are also a LOST fan.

Second, FOX was supposed to release its lineup for Fall yesterday, but they didn't. I am hoping this means that they are holding off on a few maybe....DOLLHOUSE.'s what I think we can do.

First. The obvious. Watch the show and tell your friends to watch the show. If you happen to own a DVR and watch the show as it airs, DVR it anyway if you don't already. Fox is really paying attention to DVR numbers now and not just relying on lame Neilson reports.

Ask your friends who own DVRs to DVR the show. They don't have to watch it, though I obviously recommend they do, just so long as they DVR it.

Maybe you've already seen the show, but did you know you can watch full episodes on HULU? And Fox pays attention to those numbers too. So play the eps on Hulu...ALL of them. Tell your friends to do it too. Too busy? So them anyway in the background.

I am saying to do this in addition to getting people to watch the show. Let them see what potential the show has...Have them start with Episode Six: Man on The Street. It's written by Joss, really sets everything up well for people who haven't seen the previous episodes and is a damned good story. Plus the following episodes in many ways are even better.

If you haven't already, sign here!!!!

As well, Amazon is already set up for pre-orders of Season 1 DVDs. Order yours now. Let Fox see the potential for more seasons. They are still seeing how DVDs of Firefly continue to sell.

If you have more ideas or resources, post them in the comments below.

Lastly, we can take up a collection to hire Echo and Sierra to go to Fox and kick some executives' asses. We can hire Victor to shrug and be the nice guy and make them a counter offer to avoid further damage.

Seriously, lets hope this works. Tomorrow morning it might all be too late. I hope not.

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Saturday, April 18, 2009

Daughter Day

My daughter's been having a bit of a rough time at school, academically speaking, and I've had to be hard-assed dad this past week or so.

As a father who didn't live with his daughter while she grew up (not on a daily basis), this can be very hard for me as it is on her. Mind you, the role itself is not hard to play. I get angry if I think she's not stepping up as she should, and I'll step in. But I continually fear that that's what I am...the distant, judgmental father when in fact I'm crazy about my kid and miss her sorely.

So today I took the bus up and spent the day with her. We did go over school business and the like, but mostly we brunched, walked along the river and hung out a bit in her dorm room before I headed home.

It was a perfect day for it and after weeks of cold and wet, it felt like the universe gifted me with the weather so we could make the most of it.

I'm very grateful.

I love this view of Manhattan as the bus exits Lincoln Tunnel and goes around the loop

Where we brunched on Main St. in New Paltz

Hard to tell but these are custom earrings featuring Angel and Buffy. Yep, she's my daughter alright.

Nice fountain in a side market of antiques, crafts and cafes

The Wallkill River which is really very lovely. The Shawangunk mountains are in the distance. So beautiful up there.

Friday, April 17, 2009

There are three flowers in a vase....

I am often frustrated by the shows I like that don't make it to a second season, or even get to finish their first. In the past year my list has included Dirty Sexy Money, Journeyman, Moonlight (though it took almost the whole season to get REALLY interesting, it was Angel for chicks with some really great potential) and My Own Worst Enemy. There are more, but these are the ones that come to mind that really didn't get their opportunity to grow.Anyone that knows me even just a teense knows I am a big Joss Whedon fan. Indeed, the only time I ever went fullgoose gaga over meeting someone was when I happened to pass Joss Whedon a few years ago on the street as he was enjoying a late night meal in Broadway in NYC. And I've met Charlton Heston.
Seriously, Joss Whedon made me gaga, but Moses I could handle.
From Buffy the Vampire Slayer, through Angel, Firefly, Dr. Horrible's Singalong Blog and Toy Story, I have loved Whedon's use of language, his truthful explorations of the human condition and brilliant sense of humor and irony. The Buffy Season 5 episode dealing with death is (as far as I'm concerned), the best episode of any show in the history of Television. Nothing I have read or watched or talked about has ever covered the process of surviving the death of a loved one as brilliantly as it. And that's just a single example of Whedon's genius.

Dollhouse is the latest in his ouvre. I will let the video speak to what the show covers because this blog is about the suckiness of the FOX network.

It looks as though Joss Whedon's Dollhouse is going to be added to that list. FOX has announced that it will not be airing Episode 13 of the 13 episodes shot for this mid season replacement.

The reasoning given is lame. The 12th episode is really the season finale with the 13th as an added ep extra. Joss' people confirm this but it feels like they are just kissing FOX's ass in hopes of not being screwed over.....AGAIN.

The writing, as they say, is on the wall.

If 12 is the finale and 13 presumably sets up Season 2 and FOX isn't airing it?... They clearly aren't planning on giving a go to Season 2. A show they barely promoted except a few lame internet ads and a plentiful lack of current ads, aired on Friday, when NO ONE watches Television and those numb-ball fuckbrains at FOX wonder why the show isn't getting the ratings they "expect".

Not to mention the pre-airing meddling that they did with the show before hand. It's Firefly all over again.

Whedon has a contract with FOX, which I guess includes a clause requiring him to come up with a great idea and then get fucked royally once it airs.

We fans knew it was coming. Save Dollhouse sites started almost a year before the show even aired. FOX tried to placate us, but we knew better. We could see already that they were simply giving lip service.

Dollhouse is not Joss' greatest show...not yet. That place is held for Firefly which really would have been his greatest show ever had FOX not tampered endlessly with showing episodes out of order and barely promoting it, as well as airing it on a Friday.

FOX decided to pair Dollhouse with The Sarah Conner Chronicles, a fairly lame but not terrible retelling of the Terminator story. The better choice would have been J.J. Abrams' Fringe, which is rather brilliant, has a following, and airs on Tuesdays, a much better night for T.V. viewing. But you only do something like that with a show you actually intend to be successful. FOX, to my mind, never had any intention of doing so. By the way, I'm not convinced that FOX is all that hyped about FRINGE either. They seem more excited by the series finale for JailBreak, a monumentally stupid show that should never have been green lighted in the first place.

Their news networks suck, their programming (with one or two possible exceptions) sucks, and they suck. The Simpsons while still somewhat entertaining is a pale reflection of what it once was; subversive, thoughtful and unpredictable. I'm not a big fan of Family Guy though it does have a following. They did put some effort into Arrested Development but eventually gave up. They kept it going but also didn't really promote it the way they should. I guess FOX only advertises its "reality shows" and sensalitionalistic fake news reporting.

Meanwhile NBC has renewed that insulting piece of shit, Heroes, for a fourth season. Seriously, that show makes me want to fly to Los Angeles find where Tim Kringe lives and punch him in the face, then go to the execs and NBC and punch them as well.

Back in the 80s a guy named Brandon Tartikoff was running programming on NBC and Steve Bochco created a show called Hill Street Blues which Tartikoff aired mid season.

Hill Street reinvented the cop show and hour long drama entertainment by giving us stories that ran over more than one episode, great characters that weren't cookie cutter Dragnet cops. They had flaws, and desires and dissapointments. It was a cop show that America wasn't used to and its ratings were lackluster.

Brandon Tartikoff loved the show, he believed in it and he ordered a second season. Ratings improved and the critics joined suit. By the third season, Hill Street Blues was a hit and it changed T.V. forever. Without it there would be no E.R., no L.A. Law, no Grey's Anatomy, etc. There might not even be a Buffy The Vampire Slayer, another show that needed a season and a half to really catch on.

The critics didn't fall all over Dollhouse at first, but many have changed their tune in the last few weeks and written glowingly of the show.

FOX should change its tune too. But I doubt it will. Fringe is FOX's last chance for me. If that goes too, I'm done with them.

Here is where you can sign an online petition to save Dollhouse if you are a fan, or if you just want to spare yourself my ugly rantings. The numbers on this one are low. Spread the word.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Teabaggers (Yeah, I'm not letting this go either.)

So yesterday was the big day of protest for the "tea partys" that Fox News, Dick Armey and Richard Melon Shciafe financed in their faux grassroots organization (the phrase Astro Turf has been used for these, I like it).

Now while some of the causes espoused by some of the folks on this are legitimate, these protests overall seem to have attracted the mostly loony fringe. And its unfortunate.

I've said before that I want a healthy and intelligent opposition to my liberal tendencies, but we just aren't getting it. We're getting the whackjobs and traitors.

Where the hell were these people 5 years ago when the people who actually got us into this mess were busy getting us into it? Nowhere. Now all of a sudden when they have a Democrat and a black man to blame for other people's fucks ups, they come out in droves.

Robots. Sheep. Fools.

Following are photographs with commentary. I got these off of Huffington Post.

(photo by Zachary Haychack)This has so nothing to do with taxation. Nevermind the fact that the Boston Tea Party was about Taxation Without Representation, which this isn't. This is about bailout money, which is apparently more offensive than stealth budgets that result in the deaths of our sons and daughters. I hear them. The bailout pisses me off. But I'm way more pissed about WHY and HOW we are in a situation that NEEDS a bailout in the first place. I don't think Christ has a lot to do with any of it. Just a theory.

(W.Salter)Yes, that's partially true. That would be the Fed led by Alan Greenspan, appointed by Ronald Reagan, both supplicants to Ayn Rand, adolescent economic theorist for the emotionally stunted. So where have you been for the last 25 years, pal?

This reminds me of the guy at the Republican Convention who made a sign declaring McCain and Palin to be "Maviks" or something like that. I guess scoliosis is a scourge to taxpayers, oh wait, that's supposed to be Socialism. Someone explain to this person that bank bailouts, annoying and maddening as they are, is not a function of socialism. Oh nevermind.

(Toni Romao)

(Sam Goldman)

Seriously? "But when you go carryin' pictures of Chairman Mao, you aint gonna make it with anyone anyhow". Closing Guantanamo is just like murdering millions of people in gas chambers, I guess.

There was another I saw, that I haven't been able to find since first seeing it, that called for hanging Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, Barack Obama and Chris Dodd among others. "Hang em High!" it said, then listed their names.

To be fair, we liberals have our own collection of whackos. But at least ours have signs calling for impeachment and trials. These right wingers just hate due process and apparently aren't too crazy about the Constitution or actually reading history. Or rethinking calling themselves teabaggers or offering to teabag the president. But I'll keep that commentary for Rachel Maddow and Anna Marie Cox.

Somewhere in Arizona, Barry Goldwater's body is spinning in his grave while his soul weeps in Heaven. I might disagree with him on almost everything, but the man had a brain and he used it.

Sunday, April 12, 2009


I will spare everyone my rant on religious dogma for today because...well...I'm a nice guy.

Besides, there's a more personal issue at hand. Or at least more meaningful than my rants.

A little girl named Maddie passed away recently. I will not go into detail except to say you can find information on her through MajorBedhead and what she follows.

So here is a widget to give the opportunity for those who are able to help her parents out on the costs that come with this sort of tragedy. I know you don't know her or her family, but hey...

There is nothing I can imagine that would be more painful than losing a child. Nothing.

Help if you can. Otherwise send light, prayers or however you communicate with the unseen.

And a Happy rite of Spring, whichever one you celebrate.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Daughter time

Easter brings a short visit from the child unit.

So I'm off to a nice little simple lunch with her before work.

Nothing more, except that if its going to snow in April in New York, it should be a big assed blizzard. Not this namby pamby crap.

Or better yet, 65 degrees and sunny.

Monday, April 6, 2009


I'm returning to my regular place of work today after the week and a half of alternate training.

I'm looking forward to it. My head is sort of spinning from all the changes that have been going on almost every aspect of my life and a return to something somewhat familiar is extremely welcome.

I've had this odd sense of not quite feeling like myself lately. Some of that was suggested by my melancholic post from last week, but not all of it is blue in tone.

I just have this odd sense of something I'm supposed to be doing, or having. Or I'm just restless.

Yesterday I took advantage of the wonderful weather and took a long walk through BedStuy/Crown Heights/Prospect Heights. Brooklyn really is an incredible mix now of modern development and nearly ancient homes.

Here's a bit of what I viewed. This is all old things as I find the old in Brooklyn far more interesting than the new.

Those of you in this area will recognize this as the old Williamsburgh Savings Bank Tower, once the tallest building in Brooklyn. Its now being converted to very expensive condominium apartments, which I prefer to the alternative of tearing it down. This is nowhere near my walk. I ended up going downtown to get some shopping done.

This was embedded into the sidewalk on a block on Dean Street. About a half mile from my apartment. One day I'll look up the company on a New York History site. I have vague memories of seeing this around as a kid in Bushwick.

These are two views of a Victorian mansion that is about a block away from my apartment. It's interior is probably ruined by being converted into a homeless shelter of sorts several years ago. The lot was bought by a developer but the community has successfully prevented the demolition of the mansion. The developer doesn't know what to do, as of course his plans have been ruined, though I understand he also understands why the community did what it did. Dean St. where this mansion lies, has recently been made into an historical district which generally protects just about all of the buildings on it. There are many that are quite beautiful and amazing.

So whatever I am, I seem very happy to be settling in as a Brooklynite.

Friday, April 3, 2009


Today is my last day working down in the Financial District and my work buddy and I are taking ourselves down to the P.J. Clarke's for a late dinner on our break.

I'm looking forward to it as my mood is well matched to the weather here today. Heavy gray rain. Cold and bloodless.

I think a tasty, super high quality steak dinner will be just the thing to set me on track.

Don't ask why I'm in this mood. I just am. Sometimes I get this way. Its likely mid-life crisis stuff so I'm just riding it for now and doing my bit to make sure I don't take my mood out on the innocent bystanders in my life. This hasn't been entirely successful, only in the sense that my mood is dark enough that people around me are worried that it's their fault. I assure them that its not and try to lighten myself because I hate the idea of anyone blaming themselves for something that they really have nothing to do with but for the fact that they care about me.

I wonder why this in and of itself isn't enough to make me feel better today. That there are those that care enough that my moods hit them personally and deeply means a great deal to me. To be is a beautiful thing and to be cared for like that. Beyond beautiful. I think it ought to make me feel better and to be sure it does ameliorate things. Especially one particular gesture today that both eased the darkness and made me aware of just how raw I seem to feel today. A blessing from a blessing. And I sit.

I had a great uncle who was a painter by hobby and used to exhibit his stuff in the annual Art Show in Greenwhich Village in the 60s and 70s. He was the husband of a great aunt on my mother's side.

One year he had a painting of Emmet Kelly he had done on display and my father's uncle who was visiting us that particular year liked it so much that he bought it and hung it on the living room wall. About 13 years ago, my Aunt sent that painting to me through my father because I had mentioned on her last visit back to NY that I remembered and loved how the painting linked the two families.

But the painting itself right now fits my mood. Sad, grumpy and in a weird way, patiently resolved to it. Unlike Emmet Kelly's perpetually sad clown face though, I know I'll be out of it eventually.

With any luck, well before that good steak dinner. But definitely afterward.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009


My birthday was last Friday.

I've said before that I like to think of birthdays as days of renewal, which is absolutely true.

But this year I'm having trouble with the numbers involved. I'm trying to focus on the fact that the past month and a half has been about nothing but renewal...a reboot.

Moving, to a new and better place and yet spending less money on it though gaining a roommate who actually seems damned cool.

Shifts at work that are beyond my control also seem to be creating a kind of reboot...not sure how I feel about those, but I'm just glad as hell to still have a job in his economy and especially considering the industry I am currently employed in.

But, this isn't exactly the career I had in mind...Hell, its not even a career. Shouldn't someone with these numbers attached to my age have a career? Or am I just caving to societal pressure.

I know this...I find myself relieved I've never had enough to save a considerable amount in least I haven't lost all that.

I'm rambling today before going off to see an old friend whom I haven't seen in a very long time. His numbers are a good bit greater than mine and he seems considerably happier. A wise wise visit on my part I think.

On a better note, while I am working downtown I have decided to spend my lunch hour walking the river promenade...its quite beautiful and very calming.

God how I love being by water.

Ok..this useless ramble should end now.

Thank you for your time.